A Tiny Mustard Seed

Fan or Follower

2012-02-15T08:24:00.000-08:00

Our church is kicking off a new Bible study. It is written by Kyle Idleman. The acutal title is, "not a fan." In the movie we saw on Sunday night Kyle brought up a really good point about us and our "relationship" with Jesus. This is the story he told in my words as I didn't memorize Kyle's words.

Pretend you are going on a trip. You need someone to house sit for you. You ask a couple to do so and you write a book about the trash, cleaning the house, yard maitnace, everything you can think of even down to the pets in the back yard. The couple comes and they are so excited to read the book and look after your house! They talk about how they will do everything the book says and will do an excellent job!

You leave reassured the house and animals will be well tended. This couple sounds great! Now, while you are gone this couple reads the book, re-reads it. They bring in families to do studies on this book. They bring it with them where ever they go to look at it and study it. They can't get enough of the book! The even make copies of the book and hand them out telling others about it. But...... when you get home the trash is piled up in the garage, the yard is not mowed, the pool is black, the animals are all dead. The house is a wreck. They tell you they loved the book, studied it, told people about it and passed it out. What happened? They didn't follow what it said, but they knew it inside and out.

Fan or Follower? Are we fans of Jesus Christ? Do we know all about him, teach others what we know about him, pass out his words, bring people in to look at the words written by Him? And what do we do with this in the rest of our time? Do we know His words and forget to live them out?

Fan or Follower? In his book he talks about what a fan is and uses an example of a person who says they are a follower of a sports team. They know every player, they know every statistic, they go to every game, they have every program, but they are a fan. A follower gets in the game, they sweat, they work hard, they follow the rules of the coach every time they are on the field. The fan only watches... Fan or follower? I am excited to dive deeper into this bible study. I consider myself a follower, but do I do it down to the last thing in my life. Have I given up myself for Him? Completely?

Luke 9:23
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross DAILY and follow me.

²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

Do I do this??? Fan or Follower? What is God asking of me? Of you?

It is Official!

2011-12-21T06:06:00.000-08:00

Adoption that is! Kaitlin Marie Cox is our daughter officially as of December 19, 2011. It was a fun morning. We had my dad, Brad's mom and dad, Brad's sister Jen and her husband Keith as well as their three kids all there. Our lawyer was Karen Griffiths, the Judge was Bonnie Leidig and Chelle our home worker was there too. Thanks to all who came and made the day special for our family. Thanks for welcoming Kaitlin into the family! Here are some pictures from yesterday. I am so not photogenic so my eyes are closed in about all the pictures, or half closed that is. That is okay, the day was about Kaitlin anyway! :)

Adoption Day!

2011-11-18T14:51:00.000-08:00

It is scheduled! Adoption day is December 19th!!! Yeah! Wish I could add a cute picture of our soon to be Kaitlin Marie Cox! I just got a new computer tower and have not added all my pictures onto it yet. I don't like getting new computers. Takes too much time! Ugh

"What Do I Know of Holy"

2011-10-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite songs is song by Addison Road. It is called, "What Do I Know of Holy." Here are the words;

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

As I sing these lyrics I get teary eyed. I think of my Lord and God. My Saviour. What do I really comprehend about Him? Do I reflect Him in my ever day. Do I reflect Him in my choices? Do I consider Him in all I do, what I say, what I think? My heart has been very heavy for our church. I cry as I think about hurt that has and is happening there. It makes me think of this song. If I REALLY new my Jesus the way I should, would I hurt others? If I new what Holy truly meant, would I allow hurt to continue? Sometimes I get so wrapped up in "MY" life, "MY" thoughts, "MY" rights and wrongs and those committed against me I fail to reply with Jesus. Do I know my Lord and Saviour? Do I REALLY know Him? Would I know Him if he were to look into my eyes? Would I fall down to my knees if he were to come to my home? Would I know it was Him? I remember as a child saying, or repeating, "God is Love." He is love, but he is so much more. All creation knows His name. Even Satan knows His name. My Sunday school lesson was on temptation with the 6th graders. We talked about Jesus being tempted in the desert after 40 days and nights of fasting. Satan quoted scripture to Him. Even Satan knows scripture. I can quote scripture, but do I live it out? Jesus did. He replied back to Satan with scripture and didn't fall into temptation! One of the kids memory verses is James 4:7,8. Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. May it be that I reflect on this verse every time I speak, in all actions I take and spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what Holy truly means.

The perfect baby!

2011-10-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

Kaitlin often pushes her babies around the house in her stroller. On this day Yogi was the ~~tortured~~ cared for baby.

My Princess/Ballerina

2011-10-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

My Princess/Ballerina...sorry about the arrangement of pictures. I don't know how to do it correctly yet.

Time for Telling

2011-09-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

I find myself saying the craziest things to my children. It is time to tell some of them. Kind of like show and tell, but I am not showing, just telling!

First off, I put this on Facebook but thought it too funny not to post here too. Yesterday morning while I was picking out Kaitlin's clothing for the day she was to be going potty. I hear Kale yell to me, "mom, Kaitlin is peeing standing up!" I walk into the bathroom with Kaitlin standing in a LOT of potty and while I am ushering her to the tub to clean up I am saying, "Kaitlin, girls can not stand up to pee. We have to sit down every time. Boys have different parts than girls, so we HAVE to SIT down every time. Okay?" In all of this I am trying not to laugh because my boys think it is really gross and I just think it is hilarious! Of course she will try that, these are the only siblings she has ever had and they are all BOYS! The all stand up to go potty!

Okay, so here are a couple just from this morning and last night; "Kai, it is not okay for you to hit your brother, only mom and dad can do that."

"Kale, it is okay if you growl at him, just don't hit him."

"Kaitlin, you can sing, but you have to use words, when you don't use words to a song you sound like you are howling."

"Yes, she is a girl, no she is not a boy, yes she does stand to go potty, but she is a dog."

"Yes, you are going to eat breakfast, yes, you are going to eat lunch, yes, you are going to eat supper, yes, you will probably have a snack sometime today. No, you can not eat breakfast, lunch and supper right now. Maybe later."

"Not right now honey, in a couple of minutes. I have to get this done first. No, in a minute is not later, maybe 20 minutes. No, it is not 20 minutes yet, it will be later. No, later is not 59 o'clock. No, it isn't yesterday, it is 20 minutes from now. Would you like me to set a timer?"

"Using your spit as makeup is not a good idea."

"Filling up the sink with water and letting it overflow is not a good way to take a bath."

"Good job, you are being such a big girl. You opened your mouth for mommy to brush without asking, you kept it open, you didn't let all the spit run down your chin and onto your shirt and you spit in the sink! Great job being a big girl!"

"No, you can't have gum right now, we are going to eat supper. No, you can not have gum for supper."

"Yes, you can bring that baby with. No, you can not bring the other baby with, she doesn't have clothes on. No honey, she does not have clothes on, you took them off. Yes she is a baby, but even babies need to have clothing on when they go to the store."

"No Kaitlin, those baby clothes will not fit you. No, that one will not fit either, they are for babies. No, if you pretend to be a baby they will not fit you. We will have to go to the big girl section for your clothing. You are a size 6, not 18 month. No, that one will not fit either, no, we are not going to try, it is for babies. Yes, you were a baby once, but your are a big girl now."

So most of these have to do with Kaitlin as you might imagine. It is quite humorous to see what she asks and what I have to answer. I will continue to try and keep track of more of these sentences as I think they are funny to look back on.

Time

2011-08-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

School started this week. The last three months have flown by. Kaitlin is one of us now. Seems like she has been with us forever. I just looked at some family pictures yesterday, seems like she has always been in them. Yesterday kids went to school and Brad had some meetings in Nebraska. I sat down on the living room chair, coffee in hand, and listened to the quiet. It was really nice. I praised God for the quiet. I needed it. Do you ever feel like you would be a better parent if you could just sit and not get asked one question for at least 30 minutes, or 2 hours, or a day... something like that? Then I began to think about our Lord. He has 24/7 non-stop asking. NON_STOP!!! How much wonder do I have for Him? How much respect?

I have had to do a lot of disciplining of Kaitlin as she has so much to learn. So many time outs, down on my knees at her eye level to talk about things. So many hugs after the cries. Last night I laid in my bed thinking about her. About what it may be a year from now when a lot of life learning has happened for her since she hasn't really had any "teaching" in her life. I thought about how yesterday we had to learn a hard lesson and I actually had to make her scared for a while. Because of her past she thinks she needs to just take what she likes and if she thinks she may get in trouble for taking without asking she will hide it. I have found remorse isn't one of her top runners when she is naughty. A time out is just that , sitting on a chair for 4 minutes. It isn't teaching her what she needs to learn because that is the discipline she has had the last 2 1/2 years. It doesn't affect her. It is hard. I needed to make her understand it is wrong to steel from others. She took a little girls coat because she thought she should have it. I made it clear to Kaitlin the little girl was very mad and she was probably telling the teacher and the teacher was telling the little girls mom. The mom would want to talk with her, to tell her how naughty it is to steel and the mom would be angry. I talked about how when people are older and they steel they get put in jail by the police. Nothing got her attention until I said this. She then started to cry and say she didn't want to go to jail and wanted to stay with us forever. I let her cry a little about it. I wanted to see the remorse so I knew there was something learned. So I knew she would think twice before just taking something at school again and even at home when it doesn't belong to her. I then held her in my arms for a while and was down on her level talking calmly, telling her she would always be with us because we love her and she is our little girl. We are her mommy and daddy forever. I told her the police won't take her to jail. I told her she did need to bring the jacket back and say sorry and that she will not take the jacket again. Then the little girl would not be mad anymore and it would be okay. She repeated quite a bit the rest of the day how she was so sorry for steeling and she was going to say sorry and give the jacket back. I think it was good for Kaitlin to learn this lesson. It was hard. To see her cry made me hurt inside. So last night as I thought about all of this I began to think about our Lord, our Father in heaven who will always be our Father. He will always accept us if we believe in our Lord Jesus Christ and what he did for us. But I also think about his every day task of seeing what we do, listening to us, teaching us the lessons we need to learn. I think about what he could do to us for all our wrongs. Jail, but not just any jail, Hell. Yes, hell is our punishment. Yet, he loves us so much he gave His life so we didn't have to go there. His life for ours. His ears for our voices, our complaints, our nags, our wants. 24/7..... Years and years of 24/7, thousands of years actually. Another name for our Lord is Patience. It has to be... No wonder it will be praising God in heaven. He deserves at least that. There is a song on right now and the words are; "everlasting God, you won't grow weary." I am thankful for Him not growing weary. I grow weary!

How about we praise our God in heaven every time we pray for this coming week. Praise Him, magnify Him. Give him everything we are to bless HIM. Miss Kaitlin is a blessing from my Lord. I am so thankful for her. I am learning much because of her, more teaching on patience too. May I lift her up as praise to my Lord and Savior, my boys as praise, my husband as praise. Praise for small things like a quiet house, but praise when I am teaching my children life lessons. Praise when I am being taught life lessons. Praise to our Lord and Savior!

Dear God, Father, Saviour, Patience, Teacher,
Thank you for yesterday's quiet. Thank you for Kaitlin, Brant, Camden, Kale and Kai. Thank you for Brad. Thank you for family, for a mom who taught me life lessons, for a dad that is still with me here on this earth to continue teaching me and counseling me through some of your life lessons. Thank you for not being on me ALL the time when You are teaching. Thank you for hearing, thank you for loving. Praise be to you Father for saving me from eternal punishment. Praise you Father God for caring not just for me, but for every single person on this earth. I love you Lord, praise you for not growing weary. Annie

Minnesota, The Zoo, More of Kaitlin and Tornados

2011-06-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

So after having Kaitlin in our home for a week I packed up our 5 kids and headed to Minnesota for our annual spring trip. Brad has to stay home and work. This years trip was a little shorter as I didn't want to stress Kaitlin out. She did amazingly well and I was so proud of her. She is a sweet little girl, loves to talk, loves girlie things, loves animals and loves to spend time with people. She knows a persons name pretty much when she hears it once or twice. We went to the zoo and she held one of our hands the whole time when walking. The trip was a good one, but it was nice to get home too. I will upload pics from the zoo. I left my main camera in MN. accidentally. :( My aunt is sending it thankfully. So, the pics I have are only from the zoo and more recent events here at home. Most people who read my blog know we had many tornado's on the 20th here in the land of OZ. One was pretty close to our house. If I can figure out how to load the video you will get to see it! We didn't have any damage but a house 2 miles down the road was demolished. It is the picture with Brad's arm pointing at it. That used to be a BIG white house. Another mile from it two more homes had damage and out buildings are gone. My husbands uncle had a machine shed taken out and all his equipment mangles together. I should be posting pics of that too. Please pray for the people that the tornado hit. Thankfully everyone is alive and well, but loss is not easy. I will also upload some cute photo's of our girl. We are glad to have her in our lives, she exhausts me at times, I won't lie, but I couldn't think of anyone else raising her! Praise God she is home. Oh, and by the way, my 4 bio boys exhausted me more on our trip in MN. with bickering than miss Kaitlin even came close to doing!

Kaitlin

2011-05-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

There is a saying and it goes like this. "God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good." I feel like rejoicing today. I met my future daughter and I am so glad I did. Kaitlin is a very sweet, loving, kind little girl. She is definitely looking for love. Praise the Lord he put her with her current foster parents! They love her like CRAZY! That is exactly what she needed the last 6 months before she found us! We had a wonderful time meeting Kaitlin, her foster family and the people who work with Kaitlin. She has a place in my heart and I am very impatient to bring her home. I know she is human, things will not always be perfect. I am human and I am not perfect. I know, you weren't sure, right? Well, even I am not perfect and I am sure we will have bumps in the road, but there is one thing I am sure of right now. God is calling us to adopt Kaitlin and we are following his call. We will hopefully get to have her here in our home by the end of May. That is if things go as we plan and her current foster family plans. We shared lots of hugs, lots of play time, and lots of love the last two days. She is a girly girl through and through and has BEAUTIFUL hair to play with! She even likes it being done! I might need some help from women who have had girls, I only know how to french braid and regular braid! We now start to get her room ready. I am so excited to bring my daughter home I can barely stand it! Ephesians 3:20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

My God, my Father in Heaven. I am so humbled by your commitment to me, to Kaitlin to our family. I am so in awe at the answered prayers and thankful. Lord I went into this weekend scared, wondering if this is what you are calling us to, or if I was messing up. I was letting Satan have the upper hand at night when I would contemplate things in my mind. Lord, you blessed me this weekend by a little girl named Kaitlin. You showed me how your love and your purpose is at work. You gave me peace in knowing Kaitlin is my little girl. You blessed us with a wonderful time together and you blessed both Brad and I with peace in the situation. Thank you Father for Kaitlin. Thank you for her current foster parents and workers. Thank you for leading me to her. Thank you for trusting our family to be Kaitlin's family. Thank you Lord for Kaitlin. I don't stop asking though Lord. There is a lifetime of growth for Kaitlin and our family. I ask you to bond our boys and Kaitlin this coming week. I ask you to bless the time with love, caring, understanding and the peace that Brad and I feel to go beyond us and into ALL our children, including Kaitlin. I pray you will continue to heal Kaitlin's wounds. Take away the sins of others that have been put on her. Take away her fear, her hurt, her memories of those who were not nice to her. Take away all that sin of others and make her heart, mind and soul new as she enters a new chapter of her life. Lord, you took on the sins of the world to make us clean. Take this away from Kaitlin so she can be the carefree little girl she deserves to be. Allow us to build her up in your name. Thank you Lord Jesus for the time we spent with Kaitlin the last two days. Thank you for blessing our lives. Help us to bless Kaitlin's life with your love from now on. In Jesus name I pray this prayer, Amen

Chosen

2011-05-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

I got a call Monday. We were chosen. Us, Our Family, The Coxes. Our family was chosen for a little girl. It is still a bit surreal. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. Brad and I get to go meet her tomorrow. Will you pray for us? Pray God's hand stays upon this situation, that he renews her heart, soul and mind. That is is renewed in a way that she can be the little girl she is supposed to be and not live with the memories of what bad has happened to her? Pray God's hand heals her little heart to be whole again. Pray she loves us as much as we will love her. Pray her transition isn't so scary and as she meets Brad and I there will be a connection and then when she meets our boys there will be a connection. God is here, the Holy Spirit is praying on our behalf and Jesus Christ is interceding for us and bringing it to God. Isn't God amazing. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for a hope and a future. Philippians 1:6 He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Dear Lord, you know me so well, you know our little girl just as well. You have seen her past, her past hurt and the troubles she has now. Heal her Lord Jesus. Let her come into her new life, her new household whole and not held by the bonds of fear and pain from her past. Lay your gentle healing hand upon her this day Lord so she can be the little girl she is supposed to be. One without fear of what will happen next. Go before Brad and I tomorrow as we go to meet her and allow us to fall in love with her just as we did when we learned about each of our children in my womb. Guide or actions, our thoughts and words tomorrow when we meet our little girl. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Still in the running, not the last one standing waiting to be picked.

2011-04-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we got an email about "our" little girl. We were given her phych evaluation. We were told we have until Friday to decide if we still want to be an adoptive resource for her. I have to admit I worried when I read it. Not because she is behind physically and mentally. Not because she is maybe ADD/ADHD. Not because she has nightmares. But for reasons that God confronted me with today. You see, I have been thinking to take the easy way out for my heart and life in general. Our renewal came up. It renews here in May. We will be going on our 3rd year of waiting for our little girl. I think over this time my "dream" has escalated to a "perfect situation and daughter." When I read her evaluation I thought... man, it might be tough for a while. Man, my time will definitely not be my own. Man... life might get a little harder. So, I thought maybe we shouldn't renew and just forget it. Go on with life as it is now. Easy. Our kids are all in school, I have time to clean, time to write my blog, time to do my devotions. I don't have to stress when we go to school functions because my kids are in them or old enough not to get bored and whine or cry. It would be easy to just not renew! Guilt took over and I decided we needed to renew for one more year. We needed to try one more year. My heart has been guarded though. It has been telling me I don't really want to do this. God has been telling me different. He has shown me how awesome adoption is thru a good friend of mine named Angela. He has shown me how selfless another blog friend of mine is, Amy. She has 5 children adopted thru international adoption and foster care. She has 4 bio children too. Her time is NOT her own and now they are all moving to Guatemala to do God's work. Here I am sitting and worrying about "my" time. God told me today I need to think of others better than me. Not to look out for my own interests, but the interests of others. He told me because of His blood, I can have a relationship with him. He wants me to teach my daughter about Him. I need to be selfless, have selfless thoughts and actions. God gave it to me today and I am glad. Our daughter is waiting for us and even if it isn't this little one, he is expecting us to do for him what a bio parent couldn't for HIS daughter. Thanks God. Here are the verses I read today in my devotion. God is so good! Romans 12:2, Philippians2:1-11,

1 in 5

2011-02-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

It isn't a surprise to anyone reading we have been trying to foster to adopt for 2 years. Back in November I submitted our home study to a group called TFI. They have a 3 year old little girl named Kaitlin who needs a mommy and daddy. Right before Christmas I was told they were still reading through home studies and they would know more after Christmas. After Christmas I called and was told we were one in 16 home studies they were keeping, but they were still trying to cut some of them out. About 3 weeks ago I got an email from Kaitlin's adoption coordinator. She said we were chosen as one in five families to have their home studies brought to her best interest staffing, or BIS. What is this BIS? It is when a group of people with Kaitlin's best interest in mind look at all the different families brought to the BIS and pick where they think she would fit best. I kind of feel like the kids in a line up for teams and just am hoping I don't get picked last and maybe I will get picked first. We are one in five families that just might be able to give Kaitlin a home. It is hard waiting. It is hard thinking my daughter could almost be coming home, yet again, she might not. I have prayed for our daughter for 4 years now, maybe even 5, but I quit counting. :) For Kaitlin I pray God places her exactly where He wants her. That the place she ends up will teach her about Jesus and help her build a relationship with Him. I pray she will be able to attach and know what the love of a mommy and daddy truly is. I pray God will even now as I type be healing her mind, heart and soul so she can be whole on earth, before she gets to heaven. I pray wherever she is placed the mommy and daddy can love her even through the hard times and always know she was meant to be their daughter. So, we hurry up and wait some more. The Lord knows our heart, he knows our why, he knows what we need, and more importantly what Kaitlin needs. I have no worries God will take care of HIS daughter Kaitlin. I pray we can bless him if we are allowed to be her parents.

Today

2011-02-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a post on Facebook and this is what it said; "thought CHURCH was about Love, Care, and GOD! NOT Socializing, Gossiping, Putting People Down or acting like you're better than others!!"

It makes me sad when Christians set examples like this, but it makes me even more sad when people are turned away from God because of this. I wish we could put a statement on every church in the country explaining why some Christians may act like they do.

Romans 3:23
"For ALL have SINNED and FALL SHORT of the Glory of God." If I could get across to every person questioning Jesus, God, a relationship with Him, it is not the humans representing him that they need to look to for examples, it is Jesus life itself!

People turned off by me, or others in the church that are always going to fall in who they represent need to not allow us sinful natured people to choose their life in heaven or a life in hell. Don't let sinners decide your future with Jesus, let it be between you and God, leave humans out of the equation.

And for those Christians out there, yes, you... and me... people are watching to see what we do and how we do it and why. Doesn't matter where we are, people are watching and that means we have to do EVERYTHING in our power to represent the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to be a loving, compassionate, caring, non-gossiping, servant to all we meet, greet and see in that day and every day. We need to show Christ actions in all we do.

The Desires Of Ones Heart?

2010-11-30T09:01:00.000-08:00

Today and the rest of this week I am watching to adorable little girls. My heart has melted and I am in love. :) A 1 3/4 old little girl and a 1 month old little girl. This is the desire of my heart. This is what I long for. This is what I hope God brings to our home. It doesn't have to be two, one would work. It is such a difference from the two sweet children we had a few weeks ago. I am not exhausted but content, I am not fearing what the older one will get into next but content to watch her play and to play with her. As she naps I think about how wonderful today is and how much I look forward to the rest of this week. This is the desire of my heart. Do you see this Lord? This is what I ask for, this is what I long for, this is what we need added to our home.

Blessings Flow

2010-11-27T09:25:00.000-08:00

Our Thanksgiving was calm and quiet, just our little family. Not by choice, we had a sick kid the night before and didn't feel we should share that with anyone else. It ended up being a great blessing for our family. At the supper table we went around and each stated what we are thankful for. It was neat to hear what our children said and all of their answers included thankfulness for our home, food, clothing, family. We then opened our blessings box which we made last Christmas. Sad to say there were not a ton of things written and slid into the box but it was still fun to read them. We plan on doing better next year!

After we all took our turns talking about blessings, Brad and I brought up World Vision and the catalog we received from them. In the catalog were many items we could purchase for people that do not have clothing, food, water, medicine etc... Brad and I new we could ask the kids to pick some things out for others but we wanted to make it more personal to our kids. We wanted our kids to give of themselves, not of their parents, but of themselves. Each of them received money for their bucket calves that were sold this fall. We talked about how much is tithed, how much is put into savings and how much they would have left over to spend how they wanted. We asked each of them to think about spending some of their extra on others who don't have. It was so much fun to see them think and look through the magazine and pick out exactly what they thought would help someone else. Here is our list of what our kids picked out and also what we will give as a family. One more thing, we told our kids what ever they spent in their money we would match it so they could pick out even more for others. It does a mama proud to see her kids so willingly give of themselves and not complain! So... here is what we will be giving to others this Christmas...

3 goats, 16 chickens, 1 pig, 1 sheep, 1,100 dollars in new clothing(we don't spend the 1,100 a company adds to our donation of $100)! 10 fruit trees, seeds for a garden for 2 families and $250 dollars in emergency food, we will not pay the full 250, once again a company adds to our donation of $50 dollars! Isn't that exciting and fun and gives us a sense of "giving" in a time where others need so much and us not as much!

In our talking with our kids we also allowed them to understand Christmas wouldn't be as extravagant this year. We were cutting back so we could give to others. We talked about us having everything we need and how we are having a hard time giving ideas of what we do want for Christmas to other family members. I do know it is fun as a kid to get some fun things for Christmas, I didn't forget that in my old age. But, I also remember how much more fun it is to give to others. Let the blessings flow out from us in Jesus name and find another loved one belonging to our Precious God the Father!

Exhausted

2010-10-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted and could use some prayer. We have two placements with us right now. 1 1/2 boy and 2 1/2 girl. Adorable, needy, young, happy, messy, God's children. We don't know if they will be with us permanently or not. The prior care giver gets to decide if she wants them permanently. She is a good woman so I don't fear for the children. I am just exhausted in the now. Gives me a lot more appreciation and respect for people who foster all the time and do day care. Wow... I could use some prayer though. Actually we could use some prayer. Satan is attacking while I/we are exhausted. Please pray for these kids, for us, for God's hands to be on this situation and Satan to flee back to his hole. Thanks for your prayers!

"Dew on the fleece, not on the grass."

2010-10-10T16:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where you asked God to give you a sign? Gideon did in Judges 6:36-39. God told Gideon he would save Israel with his hand. Gideon needed some assurance God would be with him. Here is what he asked God.

36 Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised- 37 look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." 38 And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.

39 Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." 40 That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew.

Now I can't say that I have made it a habit to test God in this way. I don't even know that I would say we have the right to test him in this way. BUT... I do think he cares about us and the decisions we make and the way we follow what He wants of us. It is no secret I have highs and lows in the adoption arena. I prayed about it for 2 years before Brad said yes about it. I have now been praying about it for 3 1/2 years. We have been offered one placement and we stupidly said no. I still get frustrated with it. It was fear and Satan I am sure. We thought we should only take one child and limited God. So, not a year and 1/2 later I am wondering if this is really what God wants of us or does he want us to help orphans in another way. Does he want us to give money someplace instead of bringing one or two kids home? Am I on a selfish track and pulling my family along or has our time just expired for adopting. I didn't have the answers and as I prayed I asked God for a sign. It was a simple sign for God really. It wasn't a sign for what child we should have, but for the direction of adoption or starting another course.

A week and a half ago we submitted our finger prints for KBI/FBI background checks. We had been told in the state of Kansas it would take 4 to 6 weeks to get them back because Kansas put all finger printing for adoption or foster care on the back burner and put everything else above it. We were ready to wait that 4 to six weeks. So, 3 days after sending them in while I was praying and feeling lost I asked God for the "dew on the mat and not on the grass sign." I asked if he would please have the finger print checks back in two weeks for me to know if we should continue on the path to adoption. This is very quick return for the prints and I knew it would be God working if we got them in two weeks. Much to my surprise we got the prints back on Friday. That is only one week since I sent them in. Can you say God moment? I am so thankful my heavenly father takes the time out of his HUGE every day job to hear my prayers and then answer them even faster than I had anticipated him doing. So... we will stay on the path of adoption, be amazed at how God's hand works, pray for our little girl or girls or daughter and son whom ever they may be where ever they are right now and wait for word that they are coming home. To God be all the praise and Glory for great things he hath done. In Jesus name I can depend and tell the world of his mighty works!

Do Not Grow Weary

2010-09-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 12:1-3
1.Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2.Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

It is so easy to become weary when we are not getting ahead to where we think we should be. In adoption I have been very weary. I have not gotten things done like I want and have begun thinking maybe God doesn't want us to adopt. Just as things start feeling this way God renews my hope in adoption and renews my vigor to keep persevering. God is faithful in all he does. He is faithful to all who persevere. God is faithful according to his will in our lives. I have not gotten a no in adoption, but a wait on me. This applies to so many areas in our lives. We get down because things are not going the way we would like or think. God never said it would be easy. His Son had to endure the idea of dying on a cross and as Hebrews says, "Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame," faced the cross and persevered thru it all to sit on the right had of God. Isn't Jesus the perfect example of things not going the way we would want them to go and still persevering through it. I pray all of us can persevere toward what God is calling us to do and to do it with strength, God's strength which he gives freely to all who will ask it of him.

Lord God, Creator of all things. You alone deserve all glory and honor. You alone know what has been, what is and what is to come. You persevere every day through all our human blunders, questions and bad judgements, and you rejoice in all things we learn and use for your glory. Lord I pray you give me the strength to persevere through doubts and inpatients. I pray you give me the strength and guidance of your Holy Spirit that I may bless you in all that I do and show all around me how I run the race with you running before me. I pray for all who read this that they too will be reminded that you are here in the midst of our struggles and triumphs running beside us and waiting to help us be used by you and for you. In your Gracious name Jesus I pray, Amen

"Summer Lovin, Havin a Blast"

2010-08-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

Summer has been so much fun this year. We have played in the water lots and lots. Here are some pretty good shots from our MN. trip in August. We went tubing with Brad's brother and his family. We were minus three kids but oh did we have some fun on the water!

What I have learned in almost 38 years...

2010-08-02T16:09:00.000-07:00

I am going to be 38 very soon. I can't believe I am closer to 40 than 20. As I ahem... mature, I seem to think more of what it is I need to do in life or who I need to be. I look at "younger" people and think, "if you only knew!" I have learned many things and I am sure my millions of faithful readers would love to know what it is I have learned or am learning and trying to place into my life.

I have learned from the book of Romans I am not the judge. I am not the jury and I am not better. I have learned I need to leave the judging up to God. I have learned I am no better than the person not doing anything for God's kingdom if I am going to judge anyone while I do my work.

I have learned I can try very hard and still fail. I have learned God can pick me right back up, pat the dust off of me and say try again. I have learned my time is only my time. God's time is the ultimate and I must wait on His timing. That one is a hard one. I have learned a person was talked to by a donkey and a thistle in the bible. I have found that to be amazing and crazy, yet a lot of the old testament is amazing and crazy to me. I have learned I CAN read through the bible in a year and it is actually really fun! I have learned Paul's letters are some of my favorite new testament passages. I have learned I am definitely not mature in my faith even though I have been a Christian for 33 years!

I have learned I love Jesus very much and that means more to me now that it ever has in my life. I have learned the urgency in wanting my children to all know Him as I know him. I have learned money is nothing in really loving God, but money is a way to help others when I am showing the love of God.

I am still learning to hear the Holy Spirit when he speaks. Or maybe I am learning I do hear him but don't always want to obey. I am learning how much I am blessed with my dad, my sister, my husband's family, my dad's wife and her daughters. I am learning I am blessed even though I don't have my biological mother here on this earth. I am blessed with the examples she set, the time I had with her, the memory of her and the legacy she left behind.

It is amazing how much learning goes on even when one is almost to 40. I am also learning I need to keep praying God uses me to bless him and others in my life even if I have to learn some harder lessons along the way. I am learning it is scary to pray this because it is hard to get out of my comfort zone. I am learning I need to get out of my comfort zone so I can be used, I can bless others for Jesus. Won't you join me in praying for teachable moments for myself and others. That God would use me and use you for his glory, for his greater plan? Take the leap of faith, don't look back and say yes Lord, use me please!

Jesus needs to be enough.

2010-07-08T09:35:00.001-07:00

I have been challenged in my prayer life and bible reading time this year. I have completely enjoyed reading thru the one year bible! I am so caught up in the stories and the stupidity of humans. Yet God still works for the good, still works his plan, still accomplishes what he needs accomplished through us. In our Sunday school class we have been listening to Louie Gigleo. He challenges us to quit praying routine prayers. Mine at night go something like this... "Dear Lord, thank you for this day. Thank you for loving me, help me to have a good night sleep....." and then I fall asleep. Now, my prayer life during the day time is much better and I journal it so I stay on track. That is the best way for me to pray. Otherwise I have trouble sticking with it and really praying. BUT... Louie says we as Christians so often pray the same thing over and over and over and over. Lord, be with us, Lord bless us, Lord for give our many sins. Lord watch over us, Lord bless us as we meet together, bless our time, our fellowship, be with us. He doesn't condemn these prayers, but he wants us to check our quick relationships at the door and begin a real one. We wouldn't say these same things over and over to our spouse. We need to talk with Jesus, God the creator of the Universe! Give HIM something more of us! Maybe just maybe say to him, "Lord I pray I bless you today. Lord God almighty, I need you to put your fingerprints in my business, make it flourish and expand but not with who I am but with who you are. Let my business show who Jesus Christ is and bless others and teach others all about you. Bless my business in that way Dear Father. Lord, we are traveling. We pray we can bless you as we travel and all we do acknowledges you. Lord God almighty I have sinned, I have spoken with a wagging tongue against ______. Lord I am weak and need to work on being stronger. Forgive me please Lord and may the Holy Spirit use me the next time I am put in that situation.

These are all examples of being specific with our Heavenly Father. The Creator of Heaven and Earth. The One that can wipe away all with a blink of His eye. We need to think of Him as EVERYTHING. Nothing else matters but what we do for him. Whether or not we get that boat, Ipad, Nook, what ever it may be we need to not worry about those insignificant things but look toward our creator and ask what we can do for him to bless HIM. Don't be complacent in your stuff and more stuff. Stretch yourselves, look for ways you are able to bless God. Buy the Nook and give it to someone that will never be able to afford one! Put the money going towards your Ipad that you can really live without towards blessing someone who will go without food tomorrow. Make Jesus enough for your life and heart.

Don't get me wrong, you can enjoy God's blessings. There is nothing wrong with doing this. Just not wait and want like I have and do for the next great thing coming your way. Bring the next great thing to the next person instead. Make it stretch you. After all, Jesus is our everything as a Christian and if he is our everything, shouldn't we give him everything in return?

Summer

2010-06-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

Stream of consience...

We went to family camp this past week. It was fun, exciting, energizing, tiring, wet, scarey, godly and just plain old GREAT! It was so much fun having uninterupted family time, godly staff that were amazing to us and especially our children. Feeling safe, learning more about our walk with the Mighty Creator God. It was humbling to see and hear about other families and their situations, about what everyone learned at camp. It was a weekend that was well worth it!

The down sides? Having to come home to real life where I have to get stuff done like laundry and cooking and dishes. Oh, and I played Monopoly City again with Brant and Kale. Can you say 3 hours? Ugh... I think I will keep that game to once a month.

My boys love to swim. They were fish at family camp and Kai especially still wants to get in our tiny pool here home. Camden got ear infections from swimming at camp and has tonsilities now too.

In two days I leave with my niece Tessa and my friend Kim and her family to go horse camping. I am excited but have so much to do before then. Right now I am waiting on lunch to cook so I can feed my family. We are having taco salad with lettuce I grew in my garden. What fun! I will have fresh green beans too, but I am the only one that will eat them. Well, maybe Barney will too. We will see. I have eaten a few cherry tomatoes from my garden. Can you say yum? I can! YUM!

We don't have much more time before school starts. The summer is flying by. We still have baseball a few nights a week, but it is slowing down. We had been going every night of the week but Saturday. My two eldest will be going to camp at the same time in July. Right after our cousins wedding. Then in August our thrid son will be going to Trout Lake Camp. I am so excited about this because this is where I went to camp as a kid and where my parents worked many summers! It is fun to see a child of mine go to this awesome camp!

When school starts my youngest will be in Kindergarden. I can't believe my youngest is that old already. People ask what I will do with my time. I am sure I will enjoy a little bit of quiet time, but I am also sure I will find plenty to do or Brad will find plenty for me to do. My boys while I type this are asking when they can date. I told them when they can drive a car leagally they can go on a date. We will see how this goes. My youngest just said, "please don't be mad that I say this mom, but when a girl wants to date a guy she says he is a hot guy. Is that okay to say?" I told him it is okay to say, but not very polite. I said he could tell her she is very pretty or she could tell him he looks very hansom. Much better sounding. I am sure my children think I am like 80 when I say something like that. Okay... lunch is ready, I need to get back to real life. How was my first stream of concience?

15 Years and counting!

2010-06-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

My hubby and I went to Kearney last night. We were celebrating 15 years of marriage. I consider myself so blessed! I have a wonderful husband who loves God. 4 great boys I adore. I live on a farm which is the plan I had all along as a kid. I own a horse and actually ride her! My husbands family is wonderful to live near. They are good christian people with hearts for God. I still have my daddie and my big sister as well as have two younger sisters by marriage. I have a very sweet step-mom and some day I will see my mom in heaven. God is so good to me. Thank you Father in heaven for loving me, blessing me and allowing me to come into saving grace because I believe in you. Annie

The excitement at our home!

2010-04-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

We have a new family memeber. Want to know his name? You will never guess! He is named by my 5 year old son. Ready for it? Okay... his name is Jr. James Bond. Quite the name for a baby goat that is 12" tall and weighs about 7 lbs! I call him J.J. for short. He is an adorable Nigerian Dwarf Goat with beautiful blue eyes. He has quickly stolen my heart and the heart of the boys. Each morning before school they go out to say good morning. He eats a whopping 3 to 4 ounces of milk at each feeding. Crazy how tiny he is. That is the excitedment in our home these days!

How am I supposed to know????

2010-04-07T13:30:00.000-07:00

For three years I have been praying about adoption. In the last year I have never given up the thought of adopting internationally. We just renewed our license to foster/adopt. I also spoke to an international adoption agency yesterday. They said we can not do both consecutively. That means.... we have to choose one over the other. Hmmmm.... Now, Brad is not on board yet with international adoption. I guess that means we keep our license for now with fost/adopt. BUT.... what do I do with this feeling we should adopt internationally. I guess I continue with what I have been doing, praying. I have prayed God would open both my eyes and Brad's eyes to where our little girl is. Where is our daughter? I don't have a clue. Is she a waiting child in China? A child in Ethiopia? Is she in the foster system? I don't know. A friend of mine said recently, "what if God doesn't care where we adopt from but wants us to just get moving on it?" I don't know the answer to that either. Does God have a specific place we are to get our daughter or does he find our daughter when we pick a specific place?

A time line is sort of in effect.... at least in our human brains. Brad and I have discussed adoption but do not want to have a HUGE gap in our kids. That means... the clock is ticking. Kai is already 5. How much longer do we have before a huge gap begins to open up? I know I am rambling. Sometimes it is just nice to get my thoughts out, even if they don't always make sense.

On a perfectly wonderful note, my son B. is officially 13 as of April 5th. My first baby is now a teen. Time just flies! I know when a mom is in the thick of many young children she can sometimes wish that time away. I know I did. Now I wish I could just have each of my children for 4 years alone with no other children to enjoy every last thing they do that is wonderful, new and totally cool to parents. Ah.... life with a teen... so far so good. It has been 2 days!

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. I know I did. I got to reflect on what God did for us with his son. Oh how much he gave up and Jesus took on so I could find redemption in him. To God be the Glory great things He has done! Annie

The Last, Yet... The First!

2010-03-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

This is the last boy I am going to talk about, but the first one born to me. I too love this boy. He is fast becoming a teen, is smart, respectful (most of the time), love Jesus, is not afraid to be himself, is not a follower of men, but of God. He is a boy I rely on, he actually helps me clean without me asking! He does make me feel old as my first baby is growing. He has a love for golf and fishing, loves his Grandpa Frank because they share these loves. When told he may not be able to go to Minnesota this spring because of baseball his answer was, "uh, mom, I have like 14 baseball games, I only see Grandpa and Grandma E. 4 times a year. I am going to MN!" I guess that takes care of that! I am sad to see B. grow, but am excited to see the man God is creating. 13 is a big number, bless him Dear Lord as he turns 13 in just a few short days. Bless all my boys with the knowledge of Your love, grace, and an eternal life in You!

Can you pray for us?

2010-03-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

Even though I did not go to Kenya or Hatti or Ethiopia, I feel as though I have. My heart aches every day and I get teary eyed every day thinking about the kids in Kenya I read about. I have many thoughts go through my head. I wonder if Brad and I are doing enough with our abundance. I wonder if we are sitting stagnant when God is calling us to adopt outside of our country. I read yesterday on an international adoption site called CCI. My friend Amy in her blog, "Building The Blocks" talks about CCI. It is who they went through with their latest adoption of a beautiful baby girl. They say most kids in Ethiopia are in orphanages because their parents died or have such poverty they can't take care of them. Is God working on my heart towards international adoption? If so, how is he going to work on Brad's? I don't have the answers. I wish I did. Could you pray for us? Pray for answers? Ethiopia is a country where the wait is nil. Once your dossier is submitted you have immediate placement or just a 3 month wait. I don't know. :(

I look at the difference from Ethiopia to America. American kids need love every bit as much as the inter country adoption kids do, but American kids circumstances are so different. The kids are in care because parents do drugs, drink alcohol, abuse them, let others abuse them. It is sad, it is not right, but it is so different than other countries. So many of the American children are so traumatized, it is heart wrenching, yet we have waited a year to adopt our daughter and it just isn't happening. I don't know what is right or wrong, which route we should be considering. Please pray for us and a decision. Please pray for all the children needing mommies and daddies throughout our country and the other countries around the world. Pray and ask God what you can do to help. Not just help and forget, but help and remember. Help so you might have to tighten down on spending that is not necessary. Remember to thank God for the blessings he has given you. If you were to go to this blog, http://www.wearethatfamily.com/ and read about her Kenya trip you would see how blessed we truly are, even if we live paycheck to paycheck. Thanks for bearing with me as I hurt and put my feelings out there. They are not easy feelings for me to deal with and it feels good to write them down. Ann

Today My Heart Broke

2010-03-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today I was reading this blog; http://www.wearethatfamily.com/. Kristen is in Kenya with Compassion International. She is blogging her experience. She stated she vistited a part of hell yesterday and I have to say I agree with her. The conditions there are heart wrenching. Kids litterally live in cardboard, metal or mud huts. They may or may not have a mother and father or even one of them. They may find food in the rotting stuff they walk on call ground. The live on a heap of garbage. It broke my heart, it made me uncomfortable, it made me ache in side and made me cry. I sponsered one of those kids today. It seems so small and insignificant. I have had a letter waiting to go out to our little girl we sponser in India. It has been sitting on my desk for 2 weeks now. To me it was a letter I had to get done some day, but wasn't important. After today it means the world to me! I saw how much it means to the kids that get those letters. I am so ashamed. I never thought how much it could mean. I had to go outside and take a couple pictures in the cold and muddy weather. As I went out I thought... man it is cold, I need to hurry so I can go back in and find something to eat. I am hungry. Once again I stopped and thought about how blessed I am and how easily I just have to walk to my cupboard and just grab something that looks good. I don't have to go to the rotting trash pile and find fruit and vegetables that are rotting away to eat for my breakfast.

I hurt today. It is good for me to hurt. I feel guilty today for gluttony. That is okay to feel guilt for that. I pulled my head out of "my world" today and found it looking into God's world.

Amazingly enough there is hope in Kenya. God IS there. You have to look in the children's faces that are smiling despite their circumstances and you will see Him. You have to look at what Compassion does and you will see him. Do you know that every dollar you send goes to the child. It may cover food, school, clothing, a roof over thier head. All $38 dollars goes to that child and their family benefits from it. Did you know Compassion has three sites in the middle of one of the most dangerous slums in Kenya. They have school going on there for kids in the program. They have outreach ministry. Did you know they train Kenyans to teach and lead these programs? I never thought Compassion did so much. I guess I never took the time to find out. I just figured they were one more place asking for my money and then used it for making themselves bigger. They are making something bigger, that is the number of kids they can care for. Here is their link.
http://www.compassion.com/sponsor_a_child/default.htm Maybe you could go sponsor a child, or read Kristen's blog and your heart will be changed and then you will sponsor a child. It changed my thought process and heart. I am ashamed at my lack of nothing, my squadering of money on worldly things. I know I can enjoy the blessings God has given me, but today I will truly look at these as blessings and not things I deserve or am owed. I have so much, thank you Lord. Bless the girls we sponsor Lord!

Sorry, I have tried to make my links so you just have to click on them and I haven't figured that out quite yet. :)

There is more!

2010-03-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

This is my not so little boy that was born tiny. He was 1# 13oz. He has over come so many obstacle in his 11 years. He is smart, kind, loves life and all that he encounters. He has never found a person he doesn't like and will befriend all. He doesn't worry about social "boundries" and will be kind to every person he meets. I pray he will always "be in the dark" about likes and dislikes of people. He is a true example of Christ's love to others. He doesn't discriminate against anyone in any way. He has an innocense that I covet. A zest for life and a freedom like no other I have met. Praise God for this boy of mine that teaches me lessons in love, acceptance and caring each day I look at him.

Happy Valentines Day to YOU!

2010-02-14T20:00:00.000-08:00

It is a day of Love.... I wish it were every day. I like Valentines Day. Not because I get something, but because I am reminded how much I am loved and how much I love my family. I am reminded today and wish the ephasis was every day! Our bible study is on marriage right now. Today we talked about perservering love. Love that does not give up in hard times. Love that knows it will not leave. Love that struggles together to the end of the hardship. Love that may be tested but comes out refined. Love that we as humans have to struggle to maintain at times because of our selfishness but given freely by God. I am so thankful God LOVES me and I know I can always count on Him! I am so thankful my husband loves me and I know because we believe in Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior we too will not give up on each other. We will choose not to leave. I love MY HUSBAND! Do you hear that world? I LOVE MY HUSBAND! Happy Valentines Day!

Another Boy I am in Love With!

2010-02-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

This is another boy I absolutely love and adore. He is my second to youngest. He is our spit fire with a smile. A jokester with great eyes. He is full of life and loves everyone and everything. He is the boy that until recently could not sit down when eating. He would take a bite and stand up and go around his chair, or just move! He now has to sit when he eats. He is the boy that broke his leg on January 16th when learning to ski in Colorado. He chose a glow in the dark cast. That does not surprise me. This boy asked Jesus to be HIS Savior this past October. I love this boy! He is precious!

A Blessing

2010-02-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

Today I learned from a very dear friend that they are looking into international adoption. Praise God he is moving people to adopt! I am so excited for them and can't wait for them to start their journey! One God moment I have to share for them is when they came home from their first informational meeting their son had taken a picture from the country they are looking to adopt in and placed in in front of their family picture. This picture had been sitting in a drawer for a long time and this little boy had NO idea what his parents were doing that evening. He placed the countries picture IN FRONT of their family picture in another room! God is SO COOL!

The things I actually say!

2010-02-04T06:57:00.001-08:00

Yelling down the stairs to my boys in their dad's office, "Boys, quit yelling and fighting, there are people sleeping!"

Stop making that noise, don't hit your brother, yes he started it but you can't finish it, yes he is being a jerk and you can't follow him with it! Don't climb on that you might die and then what would I do? Yes I would be sad and yes I would miss you, no your brother can't climb on it either! If you do that then he will do this and if he does this then I will pull over and spank you both in front of whoever drives by! No you are not too old for a spanking if that is what will teach you not to do that!

I bought you chicken nuggets and fries. You have to eat all the chicken before the fries so you have something of value. (Do chicken nuggets really have value)? We are not going to the basket ball game to play video games and have fun, we are going to watch basketball.

You can not be grumpy in the morning if you choose not too. Your actions are your choice. You are going to make me mad and grumpy if you keep acting like that! I know my actions are my choice but you are pushing my actions to be grumpy. No, I am not pushing you to be grumpy, yours is your choice. I haven't done anything but tell you to choose to not be grumpy.

I don't seem like I love you when I boss you around all the time? I boss you around all the time because I do love you!

How would you feel if all you ever got to eat was rice and dry bread? That is what people in other countries eat and are so happy about eating it. Would you like me to fix you rice and dried bread for the next year? No? Then eat what I put in front of you or I will. (Like I really would only serve rice and dried bread for a year)? Come on Ann!

I am making you have the worst day of your life and I am mean? Oh boy... you want me to show you the worst day of your life and be mean? I can show you both and do them really well! Want me to?

Yes I love you, no I don't like to spank you, yes I love you lots and lots. Yes, I am still going to spank you because I love you. Will it hurt? If it doesn't I can get a spoon and make it hurt. You let me know. If it doesn't hurt enough we can have dad do it again later. You better not smile when I spank you or your dad will have to spank you later. If it doesn't hurt C, just act like it does or I will get really mad!

Okay, this is not over the last week. I have written down some of the things I have said for a while now thinking someday I would post them some place. I guess now is the time. :)

Discouraged

2010-02-03T14:35:00.000-08:00

Today I found out Hannah and her sister were probably placed. That means we no longer have hope she will be our little girl. I am so sad. We were so close and then it is gone. I wonder if we went against God's plan of both girls. I don't know, never will. Now we wait. I feel like I need to do more than wait. I am praying too.... do I need to do more than that? I don't know what. Just discouraged. Sad too. My sister-in-law Traci found my blog without me telling her about it. Hi Traci. :) Still not sure I will ever share this with others, so shhh... don't tell you found it.

Two verses I read today were as follows; Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." And, Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, the will walk and not be faint."

I have hope, I do believe, but have no patience and no understanding and question why at times. Hmmmm praise the Lord I can trust Him to do what is best for our family and when it is best. I just hope I did not screw up His plans when saying no to two girls when we should have said yes. :(

I am crazy about this boy!

2010-01-29T06:05:00.000-08:00

This is my youngest. As I am absolutely crazy in love with all my boys... there is something about my baby growing up and I want to put a stop to it. He amazes me at his "big boy" talk. He reasons like an older boy, when doing family devotions he always adds his two cents. He shares like no other kid I have ever seen! If you ask for a bite of his candy, or a piece of his food, he gives it without thinking twice. He will even share it when you aren't asking. He gives great hugs and isn't afraid to love you. I am so sad to see him growing up... is there a pause button? He is also a goof ball. Imagine that! He takes after his daddy in looks and personality. No wonder I love him so! My baby, my big boy is plain amazing.

New Beginnings

2010-01-27T14:38:00.000-08:00

My friend Stacy, her hubby and youngest son are in China right now. They are bringing home their daughter Isabella. She has been waiting three years to hear the referral call. I can empathize with how hard it is to wait. I am SO happy for you Stacy. I can not wait to meet your daughter. I can not wait to see the blessings you each give each other as your lives begin together. Praise God Isabella is coming home. We have prayed a long time for this. God is so good.

As I am SO excited for them to be finishing up their journey and bringing their daughter home I am also sad as I wonder where our little one is. What is God's plan. There are so many children in our state alone that need homes. Out of the 800 or more children, isn't there one little girl that needs a home now that is 3 and under?

There are many blogs that are great witness to me. I read one called Building The Blocks, http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/. Amy, you are an amazing writer and you love the Lord. It is so evident in everything you write and say. I came to you first when praying about adoption and seeking God with which route we should go. Thank you for caring and praying. Thank you for loving God enough to give him the credit when it is due. For being bold enough to state your beliefs in him and teach others about him. It is such a delight to find other Christians out there in this world that are bold enough to take a stand about their faith and beliefs. There are other blogs, but today I want to say thank you to Amy for her faith and witness.

Father in Heaven, you know me, you know all on this earth and in Heaven and Hell. You know how many hairs we have on our heads. You breathed life into this world. You are Everything. You know my heart and you know my wants. You know my sins and you know my good works. You forgive me my sins and you rebuke my wrong doings. You lift me up when I fall short and you carry me when I feel I can no longer go on. Out there somewhere Lord is our little girl. Our daughter and sister to my boys. Bring her home dear Lord. Please bring her home. I also ask you to be with Stacy and her family. Bring them home safely and bless their lives with Isabella. In your awesome name I pray, Amen

A First

2010-01-22T05:07:00.000-08:00

It seems so many are blogging now days. I don't know if I will ever give this address out to anyone. As of now I am going to use this as my way of expressing feelings, excitement, joy, sadness and who knows what else. Let's start...

As of a year ago January I had been praying for two years about adoptions. My hubby wasn't interested and I was. So... I prayed for two years God would change his heart. Last year in January I started a fast with some people in our church. A fast for our church, for our nation and for my family. During that fast my prayers were answered on many different levels. One being my husband said yes to adopting a little girl. We then decided it would be through our state and through the foster system. We have now been a year in this process, come close to adopting once and once again are waiting. It is hard to wait. Very hard. I am again fasting this year and many answered prayers are again happening. We still wait for our daughter to come home... wait it is.

God says, "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."

Do I have that kind of faith? About our adoption 100% yes. Do I have patience.... no. I know we will adopt a little girl into our lives if God believes we can give a little girl a home, a mommy and daddy and 4 brothers. I know she will bless our lives every bit as much as we will bless hers. I know my heart yearns for her. Do I want her now? Yes. Will I wait on God? Yes. He is our provider in all things and this is a matter that is best left up to His will, His timing. Praise be to God I can give Him the big and little things in life and leave them at His feet! Do I have faith ALL the time. Sadly I try to take things on myself and find them not go well or the best they can. Forgive me Father in Heaven for thinking I can do it on my own at any point in time. You are mighty and Holy, The Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. Praise be to You!