Still in the running, not the last one standing waiting to be picked.

Yesterday we got an email about "our" little girl. We were given her phych evaluation. We were told we have until Friday to decide if we still want to be an adoptive resource for her. I have to admit I worried when I read it. Not because she is behind physically and mentally. Not because she is maybe ADD/ADHD. Not because she has nightmares. But for reasons that God confronted me with today. You see, I have been thinking to take the easy way out for my heart and life in general. Our renewal came up. It renews here in May. We will be going on our 3rd year of waiting for our little girl. I think over this time my "dream" has escalated to a "perfect situation and daughter." When I read her evaluation I thought... man, it might be tough for a while. Man, my time will definitely not be my own. Man... life might get a little harder. So, I thought maybe we shouldn't renew and just forget it. Go on with life as it is now. Easy. Our kids are all in school, I have time to clean, time to write my blog, time to do my devotions. I don't have to stress when we go to school functions because my kids are in them or old enough not to get bored and whine or cry. It would be easy to just not renew! Guilt took over and I decided we needed to renew for one more year. We needed to try one more year. My heart has been guarded though. It has been telling me I don't really want to do this. God has been telling me different. He has shown me how awesome adoption is thru a good friend of mine named Angela. He has shown me how selfless another blog friend of mine is, Amy. She has 5 children adopted thru international adoption and foster care. She has 4 bio children too. Her time is NOT her own and now they are all moving to Guatemala to do God's work. Here I am sitting and worrying about "my" time. God told me today I need to think of others better than me. Not to look out for my own interests, but the interests of others. He told me because of His blood, I can have a relationship with him. He wants me to teach my daughter about Him. I need to be selfless, have selfless thoughts and actions. God gave it to me today and I am glad. Our daughter is waiting for us and even if it isn't this little one, he is expecting us to do for him what a bio parent couldn't for HIS daughter. Thanks God. Here are the verses I read today in my devotion. God is so good! Romans 12:2, Philippians2:1-11,