Still in the running, not the last one standing waiting to be picked.

Yesterday we got an email about "our" little girl. We were given her phych evaluation. We were told we have until Friday to decide if we still want to be an adoptive resource for her. I have to admit I worried when I read it. Not because she is behind physically and mentally. Not because she is maybe ADD/ADHD. Not because she has nightmares. But for reasons that God confronted me with today. You see, I have been thinking to take the easy way out for my heart and life in general. Our renewal came up. It renews here in May. We will be going on our 3rd year of waiting for our little girl. I think over this time my "dream" has escalated to a "perfect situation and daughter." When I read her evaluation I thought... man, it might be tough for a while. Man, my time will definitely not be my own. Man... life might get a little harder. So, I thought maybe we shouldn't renew and just forget it. Go on with life as it is now. Easy. Our kids are all in school, I have time to clean, time to write my blog, time to do my devotions. I don't have to stress when we go to school functions because my kids are in them or old enough not to get bored and whine or cry. It would be easy to just not renew! Guilt took over and I decided we needed to renew for one more year. We needed to try one more year. My heart has been guarded though. It has been telling me I don't really want to do this. God has been telling me different. He has shown me how awesome adoption is thru a good friend of mine named Angela. He has shown me how selfless another blog friend of mine is, Amy. She has 5 children adopted thru international adoption and foster care. She has 4 bio children too. Her time is NOT her own and now they are all moving to Guatemala to do God's work. Here I am sitting and worrying about "my" time. God told me today I need to think of others better than me. Not to look out for my own interests, but the interests of others. He told me because of His blood, I can have a relationship with him. He wants me to teach my daughter about Him. I need to be selfless, have selfless thoughts and actions. God gave it to me today and I am glad. Our daughter is waiting for us and even if it isn't this little one, he is expecting us to do for him what a bio parent couldn't for HIS daughter. Thanks God. Here are the verses I read today in my devotion. God is so good! Romans 12:2, Philippians2:1-11,

1 in 5

It isn't a surprise to anyone reading we have been trying to foster to adopt for 2 years. Back in November I submitted our home study to a group called TFI. They have a 3 year old little girl named Kaitlin who needs a mommy and daddy. Right before Christmas I was told they were still reading through home studies and they would know more after Christmas. After Christmas I called and was told we were one in 16 home studies they were keeping, but they were still trying to cut some of them out. About 3 weeks ago I got an email from Kaitlin's adoption coordinator. She said we were chosen as one in five families to have their home studies brought to her best interest staffing, or BIS. What is this BIS? It is when a group of people with Kaitlin's best interest in mind look at all the different families brought to the BIS and pick where they think she would fit best. I kind of feel like the kids in a line up for teams and just am hoping I don't get picked last and maybe I will get picked first. We are one in five families that just might be able to give Kaitlin a home. It is hard waiting. It is hard thinking my daughter could almost be coming home, yet again, she might not. I have prayed for our daughter for 4 years now, maybe even 5, but I quit counting. :) For Kaitlin I pray God places her exactly where He wants her. That the place she ends up will teach her about Jesus and help her build a relationship with Him. I pray she will be able to attach and know what the love of a mommy and daddy truly is. I pray God will even now as I type be healing her mind, heart and soul so she can be whole on earth, before she gets to heaven. I pray wherever she is placed the mommy and daddy can love her even through the hard times and always know she was meant to be their daughter. So, we hurry up and wait some more. The Lord knows our heart, he knows our why, he knows what we need, and more importantly what Kaitlin needs. I have no worries God will take care of HIS daughter Kaitlin. I pray we can bless him if we are allowed to be her parents.

Today

Today I saw a post on Facebook and this is what it said; "thought CHURCH was about Love, Care, and GOD! NOT Socializing, Gossiping, Putting People Down or acting like you're better than others!!"

It makes me sad when Christians set examples like this, but it makes me even more sad when people are turned away from God because of this. I wish we could put a statement on every church in the country explaining why some Christians may act like they do.

Romans 3:23
"For ALL have SINNED and FALL SHORT of the Glory of God." If I could get across to every person questioning Jesus, God, a relationship with Him, it is not the humans representing him that they need to look to for examples, it is Jesus life itself!

People turned off by me, or others in the church that are always going to fall in who they represent need to not allow us sinful natured people to choose their life in heaven or a life in hell. Don't let sinners decide your future with Jesus, let it be between you and God, leave humans out of the equation.

And for those Christians out there, yes, you... and me... people are watching to see what we do and how we do it and why. Doesn't matter where we are, people are watching and that means we have to do EVERYTHING in our power to represent the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to be a loving, compassionate, caring, non-gossiping, servant to all we meet, greet and see in that day and every day. We need to show Christ actions in all we do.

The Desires Of Ones Heart?

Today and the rest of this week I am watching to adorable little girls. My heart has melted and I am in love. :) A 1 3/4 old little girl and a 1 month old little girl. This is the desire of my heart. This is what I long for. This is what I hope God brings to our home. It doesn't have to be two, one would work. It is such a difference from the two sweet children we had a few weeks ago. I am not exhausted but content, I am not fearing what the older one will get into next but content to watch her play and to play with her. As she naps I think about how wonderful today is and how much I look forward to the rest of this week. This is the desire of my heart. Do you see this Lord? This is what I ask for, this is what I long for, this is what we need added to our home.

Blessings Flow

Our Thanksgiving was calm and quiet, just our little family. Not by choice, we had a sick kid the night before and didn't feel we should share that with anyone else. It ended up being a great blessing for our family. At the supper table we went around and each stated what we are thankful for. It was neat to hear what our children said and all of their answers included thankfulness for our home, food, clothing, family. We then opened our blessings box which we made last Christmas. Sad to say there were not a ton of things written and slid into the box but it was still fun to read them. We plan on doing better next year!

After we all took our turns talking about blessings, Brad and I brought up World Vision and the catalog we received from them. In the catalog were many items we could purchase for people that do not have clothing, food, water, medicine etc... Brad and I new we could ask the kids to pick some things out for others but we wanted to make it more personal to our kids. We wanted our kids to give of themselves, not of their parents, but of themselves. Each of them received money for their bucket calves that were sold this fall. We talked about how much is tithed, how much is put into savings and how much they would have left over to spend how they wanted. We asked each of them to think about spending some of their extra on others who don't have. It was so much fun to see them think and look through the magazine and pick out exactly what they thought would help someone else. Here is our list of what our kids picked out and also what we will give as a family. One more thing, we told our kids what ever they spent in their money we would match it so they could pick out even more for others. It does a mama proud to see her kids so willingly give of themselves and not complain! So... here is what we will be giving to others this Christmas...

3 goats, 16 chickens, 1 pig, 1 sheep, 1,100 dollars in new clothing(we don't spend the 1,100 a company adds to our donation of $100)! 10 fruit trees, seeds for a garden for 2 families and $250 dollars in emergency food, we will not pay the full 250, once again a company adds to our donation of $50 dollars! Isn't that exciting and fun and gives us a sense of "giving" in a time where others need so much and us not as much!

In our talking with our kids we also allowed them to understand Christmas wouldn't be as extravagant this year. We were cutting back so we could give to others. We talked about us having everything we need and how we are having a hard time giving ideas of what we do want for Christmas to other family members. I do know it is fun as a kid to get some fun things for Christmas, I didn't forget that in my old age. But, I also remember how much more fun it is to give to others. Let the blessings flow out from us in Jesus name and find another loved one belonging to our Precious God the Father!

Exhausted

I am exhausted and could use some prayer. We have two placements with us right now. 1 1/2 boy and 2 1/2 girl. Adorable, needy, young, happy, messy, God's children. We don't know if they will be with us permanently or not. The prior care giver gets to decide if she wants them permanently. She is a good woman so I don't fear for the children. I am just exhausted in the now. Gives me a lot more appreciation and respect for people who foster all the time and do day care. Wow... I could use some prayer though. Actually we could use some prayer. Satan is attacking while I/we are exhausted. Please pray for these kids, for us, for God's hands to be on this situation and Satan to flee back to his hole. Thanks for your prayers!

"Dew on the fleece, not on the grass."

Have you ever had one of those moments where you asked God to give you a sign? Gideon did in Judges 6:36-39. God told Gideon he would save Israel with his hand. Gideon needed some assurance God would be with him. Here is what he asked God.

36 Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised- 37 look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." 38 And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.

39 Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." 40 That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew.


Now I can't say that I have made it a habit to test God in this way. I don't even know that I would say we have the right to test him in this way. BUT... I do think he cares about us and the decisions we make and the way we follow what He wants of us. It is no secret I have highs and lows in the adoption arena. I prayed about it for 2 years before Brad said yes about it. I have now been praying about it for 3 1/2 years. We have been offered one placement and we stupidly said no. I still get frustrated with it. It was fear and Satan I am sure. We thought we should only take one child and limited God. So, not a year and 1/2 later I am wondering if this is really what God wants of us or does he want us to help orphans in another way. Does he want us to give money someplace instead of bringing one or two kids home? Am I on a selfish track and pulling my family along or has our time just expired for adopting. I didn't have the answers and as I prayed I asked God for a sign. It was a simple sign for God really. It wasn't a sign for what child we should have, but for the direction of adoption or starting another course.

A week and a half ago we submitted our finger prints for KBI/FBI background checks. We had been told in the state of Kansas it would take 4 to 6 weeks to get them back because Kansas put all finger printing for adoption or foster care on the back burner and put everything else above it. We were ready to wait that 4 to six weeks. So, 3 days after sending them in while I was praying and feeling lost I asked God for the "dew on the mat and not on the grass sign." I asked if he would please have the finger print checks back in two weeks for me to know if we should continue on the path to adoption. This is very quick return for the prints and I knew it would be God working if we got them in two weeks. Much to my surprise we got the prints back on Friday. That is only one week since I sent them in. Can you say God moment? I am so thankful my heavenly father takes the time out of his HUGE every day job to hear my prayers and then answer them even faster than I had anticipated him doing. So... we will stay on the path of adoption, be amazed at how God's hand works, pray for our little girl or girls or daughter and son whom ever they may be where ever they are right now and wait for word that they are coming home. To God be all the praise and Glory for great things he hath done. In Jesus name I can depend and tell the world of his mighty works!