It is Official!

Adoption that is!  Kaitlin Marie Cox is our daughter officially as of December 19, 2011.  It was a fun morning.  We had my dad, Brad's mom and dad, Brad's sister Jen and her husband Keith as well as their three kids all there.  Our lawyer was Karen Griffiths, the Judge was Bonnie Leidig and Chelle our home worker was there too.  Thanks to all who came and made the day special for our family.  Thanks for welcoming Kaitlin into the family!  Here are some pictures from yesterday.  I am so not photogenic so my eyes are closed in about all the pictures, or half closed that is.  That is okay, the day was about Kaitlin anyway!  :)

Adoption Day!

It is scheduled!  Adoption day is December 19th!!!  Yeah!  Wish I could add a cute picture of our soon to be Kaitlin Marie Cox!  I just got a new computer tower and have not added all my pictures onto it yet.  I don't like getting new computers.  Takes too much time!  Ugh

"What Do I Know of Holy"

One of my favorite songs is song by Addison Road.  It is called, "What Do I Know of Holy."  Here are the words;

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?



As I sing these lyrics I get teary eyed.  I think of my Lord and God.  My Saviour.  What do I really comprehend about Him?  Do I reflect Him in my every day.  Do I reflect Him in my choices?  Do I consider Him in all I do, what I say, what I think?  My heart has been very heavy for our church.  I cry as I think about hurt that has and is happening there.  It makes me think of this song.  If I REALLY new my Jesus the way I should, would I hurt others?  If I new what Holy truly meant, would I allow hurt to continue?  Sometimes I get so wrapped up in "MY" life, "MY" thoughts, "MY" rights and wrongs and those committed against me I fail to reply with Jesus.  Do I know my Lord and Saviour?  Do I REALLY know Him?  Would I know Him if he were to look into my eyes?  Would I fall down to my knees if he were to come to my home?  Would I know it was Him?  I remember as a child saying, or repeating, "God is Love."  He is love, but he is so much more.  All creation knows His name.  Even Satan knows His name.  My Sunday school lesson was on temptation with the 6th graders.  We talked about Jesus being tempted in the desert after 40 days and nights of fasting.  Satan quoted scripture to Him.  Even Satan knows scripture.  I can quote scripture, but do I live it out?  Jesus did.  He replied back to Satan with scripture and didn't fall into temptation!  One of the kids memory verses is James 4:7,8.  Submit yourselves then to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and He will come near to you.  May it be that I reflect on this verse every time I speak, in all actions I take and spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what Holy truly means.

The perfect baby!

Kaitlin often pushes her babies around the house in her stroller.  On this day Yogi was the tortured cared for baby.

My Princess/Ballerina

My Princess/Ballerina...sorry about the arrangement of pictures.  I don't know how to do it correctly yet.

Time for Telling

I find myself saying the craziest things to my children.  It is time to tell some of them.  Kind of like show and tell, but I am not showing, just telling!

First off, I put this on Facebook but thought it too funny not to post here too.  Yesterday morning while I was picking out Kaitlin's clothing for the day she was to be going potty.  I hear Kale yell to me, "mom, Kaitlin is peeing standing up!"  I walk into the bathroom with Kaitlin standing in a LOT of potty and while I am ushering her to the tub to clean up I am saying, "Kaitlin, girls can not stand up to pee.  We have to sit down every time.  Boys have different parts than girls, so we HAVE to SIT down every time.  Okay?"  In all of this I am trying not to laugh because my boys think it is really gross and I just think it is hilarious!  Of course she will try that, these are the only siblings she has ever had and they are all BOYS!  The all stand up to go potty!

Okay, so here are a couple just from this morning and last night; "Kai, it is not okay for you to hit your brother, only mom and dad can do that." 

"Kale, it is okay if you growl at him, just don't hit him."

"Kaitlin, you can sing, but you have to use words, when you don't use words to a song you sound like you are howling."

"Yes, she is a girl, no she is not a boy, yes she does stand to go potty, but she is a dog."

"Yes, you are going to eat breakfast, yes, you are going to eat lunch, yes, you are going to eat supper, yes, you will probably have a snack sometime today.  No, you can not eat breakfast, lunch and supper right now.  Maybe later."

"Not right now honey, in a couple of minutes.  I have to get this done first.  No, in a minute is not later, maybe 20 minutes.  No, it is not 20 minutes yet, it will be later.  No, later is not 59 o'clock.  No, it isn't yesterday, it is 20 minutes from now.  Would you like me to set a timer?"

"Using your spit as makeup is not a good idea."

"Filling up the sink with water and letting it overflow is not a good way to take a bath."

"Good job, you are being such a big girl.  You opened your mouth for mommy to brush without asking, you kept it open, you didn't let all the spit run down your chin and onto your shirt and you spit in the sink!  Great job being a big girl!"

"No, you can't have gum right now, we are going to eat supper.  No, you can not have gum for supper."

"Yes, you can bring that baby with.  No, you can not bring the other baby with, she doesn't have clothes on.  No honey, she does not have clothes on, you took them off.  Yes she is a baby, but even babies need to have clothing on when they go to the store."

"No Kaitlin, those baby clothes will not fit you.  No, that one will not fit either, they are for babies.  No, if you pretend to be a baby they will not fit you.  We will have to go to the big girl section for your clothing.  You are a size 6, not 18 month.  No, that one will not fit either, no, we are not going to try, it is for babies.  Yes, you were a baby once, but your are a big girl now."

So most of these have to do with Kaitlin as you might imagine.  It is quite humorous to see what she asks and what I have to answer.  I will continue to try and keep track of more of these sentences as I think they are funny to look back on.

Time

School started this week.  The last three months have flown by.  Kaitlin is one of us now.  Seems like she has been with us forever.  I just looked at some family pictures yesterday, seems like she has always been in them.  Yesterday kids went to school and Brad had some meetings in Nebraska.  I sat down on the living room chair, coffee in hand, and listened to the quiet.  It was really nice.  I praised God for the quiet.  I needed it.  Do you ever feel like you would be a better parent if you could just sit and not get asked one question for at least 30 minutes, or 2 hours, or a day... something like that?  Then I began to think about our Lord.  He has 24/7 non-stop asking.  NON_STOP!!!  How much wonder do I have for Him?  How much respect? 


I have had to do a lot of disciplining of Kaitlin as she has so much to learn.  So many time outs, down on my knees at her eye level to talk about things.  So many hugs after the cries.  Last night I laid in my bed thinking about her.  About what it may be a year from now when a lot of life learning has happened for her since she hasn't really had any "teaching" in her life.  I thought about how yesterday we had to learn a hard lesson and I actually had to make her scared for a while.  Because of her past she thinks she needs to just take what she likes and if she thinks she may get in trouble for taking without asking she will hide it.  I have found remorse isn't one of her top runners when she is naughty.  A time out is just that , sitting on a chair for 4 minutes.  It isn't teaching her what she needs to learn because that is the discipline she has had the last 2 1/2 years.  It doesn't affect her.  It is hard.  I needed to make her understand it is wrong to steel from others.  She took a little girls coat because she thought she should have it.  I made it clear to Kaitlin the little girl was very mad and she was probably telling the teacher and the teacher was telling the little girls mom.  The mom would want to talk with her, to tell her how naughty it is to steel and the mom would be angry.  I talked about how when people are older and they steel they get put in jail by the police.  Nothing got her attention until I said this.  She then started to cry and say she didn't want to go to jail and wanted to stay with us forever.  I let her cry a little about it.  I wanted to see the remorse so I knew there was something learned.  So I knew she would think twice before just taking something at school again and even at home when it doesn't belong to her.  I then held her in my arms for a while and was down on her level talking calmly, telling her she would always be with us because we love her and she is our little girl.  We are her mommy and daddy forever.  I told her the police won't take her to jail.  I told her she did need to bring the jacket back and say sorry and that she will not take the jacket again.  Then the little girl would not be mad anymore and it would be okay.  She repeated quite a bit the rest of the day how she was so sorry for steeling and she was going to say sorry and give the jacket back.  I think it was good for Kaitlin to learn this lesson.  It was hard.  To see her cry made me hurt inside.  So last night as I thought about all of this I began to think about our Lord, our Father in heaven who will always be our Father.  He will always accept us if we believe in our Lord Jesus Christ and what he did for us.  But I also think about his every day task of seeing what we do, listening to us, teaching us the lessons we need to learn.  I think about what he could do to us for all our wrongs.  Jail, but not just any jail, Hell.  Yes, hell is our punishment.  Yet, he loves us so much he gave His life so we didn't have to go there.  His life for ours.  His ears for our voices, our complaints, our nags, our wants.  24/7..... Years and years of 24/7, thousands of years actually.  Another name for our Lord is Patience.  It has to be...  No wonder it will be praising God in heaven.  He deserves at least that.  There is a song on right now and the words are; "everlasting God, you won't grow weary."  I am thankful for Him not growing weary.  I grow weary! 


How about we praise our God in heaven every time we pray for this coming week.  Praise Him, magnify Him.  Give him everything we are to bless HIM.  Miss Kaitlin is a blessing from my Lord.  I am so thankful for her.  I am learning much because of her, more teaching on patience too.  May I lift her up as praise to my Lord and Savior, my boys as praise, my husband as praise.  Praise for small things like a quiet house, but praise when I am teaching my children life lessons.  Praise when I am being taught life lessons.  Praise to our Lord and Savior!

Dear God, Father, Saviour, Patience, Teacher,
Thank you for yesterday's quiet.  Thank you for Kaitlin, Brant, Camden, Kale and Kai.  Thank you for Brad.  Thank you for family, for a mom who taught me life lessons, for a dad that is still with me here on this earth to continue teaching me and counseling me through some of your life lessons.  Thank you for not being on me ALL the time when You are teaching.  Thank you for hearing, thank you for loving.  Praise be to you Father for saving me from eternal punishment.  Praise you Father God for caring not just for me, but for every single person on this earth.  I love you Lord, praise you for not growing weary.  Annie

Minnesota, The Zoo, More of Kaitlin and Tornados

So after having Kaitlin in our home for a week I packed up our 5 kids and headed to Minnesota for our annual spring trip. Brad has to stay home and work. This years trip was a little shorter as I didn't want to stress Kaitlin out. She did amazingly well and I was so proud of her. She is a sweet little girl, loves to talk, loves girlie things, loves animals and loves to spend time with people. She knows a persons name pretty much when she hears it once or twice. We went to the zoo and she held one of our hands the whole time when walking. The trip was a good one, but it was nice to get home too. I will upload pics from the zoo. I left my main camera in MN. accidentally. :( My aunt is sending it thankfully. So, the pics I have are only from the zoo and more recent events here at home. Most people who read my blog know we had many tornado's on the 20th here in the land of OZ. One was pretty close to our house. If I can figure out how to load the video you will get to see it! We didn't have any damage but a house 2 miles down the road was demolished. It is the picture with Brad's arm pointing at it. That used to be a BIG white house. Another mile from it two more homes had damage and out buildings are gone. My husbands uncle had a machine shed taken out and all his equipment mangles together. I should be posting pics of that too. Please pray for the people that the tornado hit. Thankfully everyone is alive and well, but loss is not easy. I will also upload some cute photo's of our girl. We are glad to have her in our lives, she exhausts me at times, I won't lie, but I couldn't think of anyone else raising her! Praise God she is home. Oh, and by the way, my 4 bio boys exhausted me more on our trip in MN. with bickering than miss Kaitlin even came close to doing!

Kaitlin

There is a saying and it goes like this. "God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good." I feel like rejoicing today. I met my future daughter and I am so glad I did. Kaitlin is a very sweet, loving, kind little girl. She is definitely looking for love. Praise the Lord he put her with her current foster parents! They love her like CRAZY! That is exactly what she needed the last 6 months before she found us! We had a wonderful time meeting Kaitlin, her foster family and the people who work with Kaitlin. She has a place in my heart and I am very impatient to bring her home. I know she is human, things will not always be perfect. I am human and I am not perfect. I know, you weren't sure, right? Well, even I am not perfect and I am sure we will have bumps in the road, but there is one thing I am sure of right now. God is calling us to adopt Kaitlin and we are following his call. We will hopefully get to have her here in our home by the end of May. That is if things go as we plan and her current foster family plans. We shared lots of hugs, lots of play time, and lots of love the last two days. She is a girly girl through and through and has BEAUTIFUL hair to play with! She even likes it being done! I might need some help from women who have had girls, I only know how to french braid and regular braid! We now start to get her room ready. I am so excited to bring my daughter home I can barely stand it! Ephesians 3:20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

My God, my Father in Heaven. I am so humbled by your commitment to me, to Kaitlin to our family. I am so in awe at the answered prayers and thankful. Lord I went into this weekend scared, wondering if this is what you are calling us to, or if I was messing up. I was letting Satan have the upper hand at night when I would contemplate things in my mind. Lord, you blessed me this weekend by a little girl named Kaitlin. You showed me how your love and your purpose is at work. You gave me peace in knowing Kaitlin is my little girl. You blessed us with a wonderful time together and you blessed both Brad and I with peace in the situation. Thank you Father for Kaitlin. Thank you for her current foster parents and workers. Thank you for leading me to her. Thank you for trusting our family to be Kaitlin's family. Thank you Lord for Kaitlin. I don't stop asking though Lord. There is a lifetime of growth for Kaitlin and our family. I ask you to bond our boys and Kaitlin this coming week. I ask you to bless the time with love, caring, understanding and the peace that Brad and I feel to go beyond us and into ALL our children, including Kaitlin. I pray you will continue to heal Kaitlin's wounds. Take away the sins of others that have been put on her. Take away her fear, her hurt, her memories of those who were not nice to her. Take away all that sin of others and make her heart, mind and soul new as she enters a new chapter of her life. Lord, you took on the sins of the world to make us clean. Take this away from Kaitlin so she can be the carefree little girl she deserves to be. Allow us to build her up in your name. Thank you Lord Jesus for the time we spent with Kaitlin the last two days. Thank you for blessing our lives. Help us to bless Kaitlin's life with your love from now on. In Jesus name I pray this prayer, Amen

Chosen

I got a call Monday. We were chosen. Us, Our Family, The Coxes. Our family was chosen for a little girl. It is still a bit surreal. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. Brad and I get to go meet her tomorrow. Will you pray for us? Pray God's hand stays upon this situation, that he renews her heart, soul and mind. That is is renewed in a way that she can be the little girl she is supposed to be and not live with the memories of what bad has happened to her? Pray God's hand heals her little heart to be whole again. Pray she loves us as much as we will love her. Pray her transition isn't so scary and as she meets Brad and I there will be a connection and then when she meets our boys there will be a connection. God is here, the Holy Spirit is praying on our behalf and Jesus Christ is interceding for us and bringing it to God. Isn't God amazing. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for a hope and a future. Philippians 1:6 He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Dear Lord, you know me so well, you know our little girl just as well. You have seen her past, her past hurt and the troubles she has now. Heal her Lord Jesus. Let her come into her new life, her new household whole and not held by the bonds of fear and pain from her past. Lay your gentle healing hand upon her this day Lord so she can be the little girl she is supposed to be. One without fear of what will happen next. Go before Brad and I tomorrow as we go to meet her and allow us to fall in love with her just as we did when we learned about each of our children in my womb. Guide or actions, our thoughts and words tomorrow when we meet our little girl. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Still in the running, not the last one standing waiting to be picked.

Yesterday we got an email about "our" little girl. We were given her phych evaluation. We were told we have until Friday to decide if we still want to be an adoptive resource for her. I have to admit I worried when I read it. Not because she is behind physically and mentally. Not because she is maybe ADD/ADHD. Not because she has nightmares. But for reasons that God confronted me with today. You see, I have been thinking to take the easy way out for my heart and life in general. Our renewal came up. It renews here in May. We will be going on our 3rd year of waiting for our little girl. I think over this time my "dream" has escalated to a "perfect situation and daughter." When I read her evaluation I thought... man, it might be tough for a while. Man, my time will definitely not be my own. Man... life might get a little harder. So, I thought maybe we shouldn't renew and just forget it. Go on with life as it is now. Easy. Our kids are all in school, I have time to clean, time to write my blog, time to do my devotions. I don't have to stress when we go to school functions because my kids are in them or old enough not to get bored and whine or cry. It would be easy to just not renew! Guilt took over and I decided we needed to renew for one more year. We needed to try one more year. My heart has been guarded though. It has been telling me I don't really want to do this. God has been telling me different. He has shown me how awesome adoption is thru a good friend of mine named Angela. He has shown me how selfless another blog friend of mine is, Amy. She has 5 children adopted thru international adoption and foster care. She has 4 bio children too. Her time is NOT her own and now they are all moving to Guatemala to do God's work. Here I am sitting and worrying about "my" time. God told me today I need to think of others better than me. Not to look out for my own interests, but the interests of others. He told me because of His blood, I can have a relationship with him. He wants me to teach my daughter about Him. I need to be selfless, have selfless thoughts and actions. God gave it to me today and I am glad. Our daughter is waiting for us and even if it isn't this little one, he is expecting us to do for him what a bio parent couldn't for HIS daughter. Thanks God. Here are the verses I read today in my devotion. God is so good! Romans 12:2, Philippians2:1-11,

1 in 5

It isn't a surprise to anyone reading we have been trying to foster to adopt for 2 years. Back in November I submitted our home study to a group called TFI. They have a 3 year old little girl named Kaitlin who needs a mommy and daddy. Right before Christmas I was told they were still reading through home studies and they would know more after Christmas. After Christmas I called and was told we were one in 16 home studies they were keeping, but they were still trying to cut some of them out. About 3 weeks ago I got an email from Kaitlin's adoption coordinator. She said we were chosen as one in five families to have their home studies brought to her best interest staffing, or BIS. What is this BIS? It is when a group of people with Kaitlin's best interest in mind look at all the different families brought to the BIS and pick where they think she would fit best. I kind of feel like the kids in a line up for teams and just am hoping I don't get picked last and maybe I will get picked first. We are one in five families that just might be able to give Kaitlin a home. It is hard waiting. It is hard thinking my daughter could almost be coming home, yet again, she might not. I have prayed for our daughter for 4 years now, maybe even 5, but I quit counting. :) For Kaitlin I pray God places her exactly where He wants her. That the place she ends up will teach her about Jesus and help her build a relationship with Him. I pray she will be able to attach and know what the love of a mommy and daddy truly is. I pray God will even now as I type be healing her mind, heart and soul so she can be whole on earth, before she gets to heaven. I pray wherever she is placed the mommy and daddy can love her even through the hard times and always know she was meant to be their daughter. So, we hurry up and wait some more. The Lord knows our heart, he knows our why, he knows what we need, and more importantly what Kaitlin needs. I have no worries God will take care of HIS daughter Kaitlin. I pray we can bless him if we are allowed to be her parents.

Today

Today I saw a post on Facebook and this is what it said; "thought CHURCH was about Love, Care, and GOD! NOT Socializing, Gossiping, Putting People Down or acting like you're better than others!!"

It makes me sad when Christians set examples like this, but it makes me even more sad when people are turned away from God because of this. I wish we could put a statement on every church in the country explaining why some Christians may act like they do.

Romans 3:23
"For ALL have SINNED and FALL SHORT of the Glory of God." If I could get across to every person questioning Jesus, God, a relationship with Him, it is not the humans representing him that they need to look to for examples, it is Jesus life itself!

People turned off by me, or others in the church that are always going to fall in who they represent need to not allow us sinful natured people to choose their life in heaven or a life in hell. Don't let sinners decide your future with Jesus, let it be between you and God, leave humans out of the equation.

And for those Christians out there, yes, you... and me... people are watching to see what we do and how we do it and why. Doesn't matter where we are, people are watching and that means we have to do EVERYTHING in our power to represent the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to be a loving, compassionate, caring, non-gossiping, servant to all we meet, greet and see in that day and every day. We need to show Christ actions in all we do.