How am I supposed to know????

For three years I have been praying about adoption. In the last year I have never given up the thought of adopting internationally. We just renewed our license to foster/adopt. I also spoke to an international adoption agency yesterday. They said we can not do both consecutively. That means.... we have to choose one over the other. Hmmmm.... Now, Brad is not on board yet with international adoption. I guess that means we keep our license for now with fost/adopt. BUT.... what do I do with this feeling we should adopt internationally. I guess I continue with what I have been doing, praying. I have prayed God would open both my eyes and Brad's eyes to where our little girl is. Where is our daughter? I don't have a clue. Is she a waiting child in China? A child in Ethiopia? Is she in the foster system? I don't know. A friend of mine said recently, "what if God doesn't care where we adopt from but wants us to just get moving on it?" I don't know the answer to that either. Does God have a specific place we are to get our daughter or does he find our daughter when we pick a specific place?

A time line is sort of in effect.... at least in our human brains. Brad and I have discussed adoption but do not want to have a HUGE gap in our kids. That means... the clock is ticking. Kai is already 5. How much longer do we have before a huge gap begins to open up? I know I am rambling. Sometimes it is just nice to get my thoughts out, even if they don't always make sense.

On a perfectly wonderful note, my son B. is officially 13 as of April 5th. My first baby is now a teen. Time just flies! I know when a mom is in the thick of many young children she can sometimes wish that time away. I know I did. Now I wish I could just have each of my children for 4 years alone with no other children to enjoy every last thing they do that is wonderful, new and totally cool to parents. Ah.... life with a teen... so far so good. It has been 2 days!

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. I know I did. I got to reflect on what God did for us with his son. Oh how much he gave up and Jesus took on so I could find redemption in him. To God be the Glory great things He has done! Annie